Movie Review: The Beach Story: I've said it before in this space and I'll say it again - beware of a film that starts with the voice of a narrator - it is a clear indication that the film can't speak for itself. I admit that I was curious about this film. I hadn't seen a movie in over 10 days, I have been to Bangkok and have friends over there right now and I wanted to see the return of the post-Titanic Leonardo. Adapted (and I hear greatly changed) from the 1996 novel by English author Alex Garland and directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting) it is basically about some Gen-Xers who think they discover paradise and guess what? They don't. As you watch the film many other better (and worse) movies come to mind, such as The Deerhunter, Lord of the Flies, Blue Lagoon (insert audible groan here), Jaws, Heart of Darkness and Apocalypse Now (there is actually a clip from that movie) and yet, oddly enough, I found myself mildly entertained by this piece of muddle. Go figure? The scenery, camera angles and some quirky video game stuff was visually very exciting. Go see it for the landscape and Leonardo or stay home and rent What's Eating Gilbert Grape? Acting: Leonardo Dicaprio is a fine actor. Forget The Titanic (if you can) and focus on This Boy's Life, Gilbert Grape, The Basketball Diaries and Romeo and Juliet. In The Beach he is the only one on the screen and the camera just loves him. Many of his prepubescent fans will be very disappointed because of the R rating. He is going to be around for a long time and when he grows all up he is going to be terrific. Everyone else is unmemorable. Robert Carlyle (The Full Monty) is over the top and Tilda Swinton (Orlando and The War Zone) is wasted. Pets: A monkey, sharks and some glowing plankton. Visual Art: A Map Soundtrack: Not too annoying Quirky Meter: 2 Length: 2 hours (but it seemed longer). LOBO HOWLS: 5