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| Movie Review: Klimt Alternate Title: Crap
Story: This could be the worst
movie I have seen so far in 2007. The subject of artist Gustav
Klimt could be fodder for fascinating visuals, history, passion
and story. None of these four ingredients exists in this insufferable
bore. Director Raoul Ruiz cut his
130 minute original film to 97 minutes of agony. I cannot imagine sitting
through one second more of this pretentious garble. Klimt lived in the
decadent time at the end of the 19th century in Hapsburg Empire Vienna
(fin-de-siècle). The film opens and we see Klimt on his death
bed being visited by a very goofy Egon Schiele. In
a succession of non-linear flashbacks we see Klimt as he womanizes,
pontificates, curses, visits his loony mother and sister, out of wedlock
offspring, brothels, coffee houses and clinics. The dialogue is stilted,
there is no story and I could not wait for the words 'the end' to appear. There is a movie to be made about this character
and time in history but this was not the movie. Stay away. Go to a museum
to see his work instead. Acting: John Malkovich as Klimt
looks like he was sleep walking through this mess. Veronica
Ferres as Midi, his long suffering friend was puzzling. I had
no idea who she was or why she was in the film other than she had really
nice outfits nd hats. Stephen Dillane as the Government
Secretary was the only one who looked comfortable in this film. Saffron
Burrows was a joke as the supposedly desirous Lea de Castro.
Nikolai Kinski as Egon Schiele looked too much like
Peter Lorre for me to not laugh whenever I saw him on screen
Predilection: I like films about artists - just not
this one.
Critters: Several cats, a dog and lots of rabbits.
Food: Ah, the food was sumptuous with many shots
of Viennese pastries.
Sex Spectrum: There is a wacky sex scene within the
first five minutes. It involves a man without a leg and is head scratching
in its absurdity. Lots of naked women.
Opening Titles: I don't remember.
Visual Art: Klimt's art is sumptuous but here it
mostly looked washed out. There was one scene that involved gold leaf
that was pretty.
Theater Audience: Five other horrified audience members.
Weather: It was cold in Vienna.
Sappy Factor: 0
Quirky Meter: 3
Squirm Scale: I squirmed because it was so very bad.
Drift Factor: I looked at my watch after only 10 minutes.
Predictability Level: Did not care what happened
to anyone.
Tissue Usage: I cried that I wasted my time and money.
Oscar Worthy: Ha
Big Screen or Rental: Neither
Length: 97 grueling minutes
LOBO HOWLS: 1
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